Laysan: Surveil

Thread 1, Part 12:
Laysan

Surveil

(here) - recently

I felt the most awesome sense of contentment when I awoke. Some deliciously heavy blanket was laying on top of me. It felt like something that would get draped across you when you are getting x-rays in the hospital, but softer and more flexible. I was so warm and relaxed. I didn't want to open my eyes. I scrunched up into a ball, flexing the sleep from my muscles, then I began to stretch my arms up and point my toes.

A tremendous yawn erupted from within me, but it was arrested suddenly when I realized how awesome a yawn it was. I had not been able to really yawn for a month. Sure. I yawned, but they were always sad stunted yawns with air whistling through the air spaces in my gag. They were hardly satisfying.

My gag was gone!


It must have been removed in my sleep. I opened my mouth as wide as I could and made the yawn return. I then forced myself to have a few more. Oh, ecstasy! I stuck my fingers in my mouth just so I could feel the wetness of my tongue and my beloved stud piercing.

I opened my eyes. I was in one of Paty's a spare bedrooms. It was barely lit. Alba was sitting on a chair watching me slowly wake up. I was lying on a soft contoured chair similar, but more luxurious than you would find at a dentist office.

I stretched a little more and lazily began to scratch something on the back of my neck.

"Don't scratch!" Albe said standing up and moving towards me. "You don't want to get that infected!"

I felt a little confused. How did I get a cut on the back of my neck?

"Whe- mmm!" I started to try to ask a question, but Alba quickly placed her hand over my lips.

"Shhh!"

I'm sure that my eyes were like daggers when I looked up at Alba - angry, and perhaps a little scared.

"It's just that you haven't spoken for over a month," Alba explained. "I thought that it would be meaningful to spend your first words on Paty..."

I smiled because Alba was right.

"Ceylon and I removed the gag earlier this morning. You were so soundly asleep that you barely even stirred. Dr. Schleimmer was here too. She looked around your mouth a bit and said that your teeth look great! You snored the whole time," Alba chuckled. "Hey! Let's go see if Paty is awake yet!"

I shook my head and pushed the heavy blanket off of me.

As we walked through the mansion, I felt like I might float off the ground. I was wearing no chains, no shackles, no cuffs or collars. I'm certain that if the earth were to spin a little faster I might fall up to the ceiling without any link to hold me down. Alba led me through the halls as she had many times over the past month, but this time she held my hand, not my leash. We smiled at each other in silence as we made our way to Paty's bedroom.

When we opened her door, I saw her lying up on her majestic bed. She was so pretty sleeping. I glanced one last time at Alba. She motioned for me to go on in. I turned and pranced across the room and climbed up on Paty's bed.

She began to stir as I bounced across to her. She had not even opened her eyes yet, but I could not resist kissing her face and lips. Finally her eyes did open and her entire face blossomed into a smile. Her beauty forced me to continue kissing her. When she began to pull at the silk pajama top that she was wearing, I tore at the fastenings and pulled the fabric away. Quickly she was awake and engaged.

It would be fruitless and tedious to detail how me moved together this morning and frankly I would never be able to recall. For we were driven by love and not in control of our own facilities.

The first time we were furious and impatient. We touched and kissed as much as we could each second. It felt like time was precious. Tears of joy were streaming down our faces. It felt like we had no time. And at that moment, we, in fact, did NOT have time.

The second time was slow and luxurious and we lingered and focused and savored. It felt like we had all the time in the world. And at that moment, we, in fact, had all the time in the world.

After that, we see-sawed back and forth, sometimes pulling the other along, sometimes simply enjoying the ride. We refreshed ourselves in the familiar scents and curves and textures that we may have taken for granted in the past. It was nostalgic and at the same time wonderfully brand new.

We made love for who knows how long.

Eventually, I lay content and half asleep. Paty nudged me and I opened my eyes and looked at her looking back at me. I smiled. "Hi," I whispered.

So much for profound utterances.

"There's no time for sleeping right now, my love," Paty said, kissing my forehead as my eyes slowly closed again. "Are you hungry?"

"Oh, god! Am I!" I exclaimed. "I swear that I could smell bacon a little while ago!"

"I think you did," Paty laughed.

"What?"

"Alba and 2'Ahlay and Gardner are cooking a feast for us," Paty explained. "Bacon and cantaloupe and waffles and eggs and strawberries dipped in chocolate..."

"Chocolate!?" I screamed, jumping up from the bed. "Get the fuck out of my way! Let's go!" I grabbed her arm and pulled her with me laughing.

"Laysan! Wait!" Paty cried. "We should put some clothes on!"

"Oh, yeah! Clothes!"

     <>--+-

Ten minutes later we were seated around a big table having the feast of our lives. Ceylon was there. And so was Bristle and several of the other women from the BC including one woman I had never met. Besides the stranger, all of them had seen me naked over the past month. I could have cared less if I had walked into the room naked. I have no modesty left. But, Paty had given me a silk robe to wear that fell to about mid thigh with a simple tie to keep it from falling open. That's all I wore. That's about all I could have endured to wear.

It was kind of strange being able to talk again. I kissed all my friends and thanked them for taking care of me. I felt like I had been gone on a lengthy journey, when in fact it was only my voice that had been gone.

Finally, we were all stuffed. I was lounging in a chair as Gardner teased me with cool fresh chocolate covered strawberries. She stopped her teasing, kissed me and stepped aside as Alba approached with the stranger in tow.

"Laysan, this is Lisianski. She is a psychologist (psychiatrist?). She has just joined the BC. She is interested and we would be very happy if you would allow her to use you as a test subject."

"Hi," I said to the new woman. "Me?" Paty sat down next to me and took my arm in hers.

"Hi, Laysan," Lisianski smiled. "I've heard so much about you. I'm so happy to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too." She seemed friendly and warm. Good energy.

"I have an interest in studying empathy, Laysan. And, everyone says that you are the best subject to study."

"Ok. I don't know. But, sure... What do I do?"

"Let me give you a little background..." Lisianski began. "As humans have evolved, one important aspect of our make up is the ability to observe, um, say, an actor engaging in a situation. Even if we have never been in the situation that this actor is engaged in, we have the ability to imagine how that actor may be feeling. Often our determination of those feelings are triggered by something that we sense. That is, something that we see or hear about that actor. Some say that it is these signals that produce within us a sense of empathy."

"Ok... I think I understand."

"Some, however, think that there is something more than just the five senses that enable us to feel empathy. Perhaps there is some form of communication that takes place outside of our observable five senses."

"Uh-huh. I guess, maybe."

"I want to run a series of experiments to test that theory, and, well, you, Laysan, are the ideal test subject."

"I am? Why?" I looked at Paty. She was smiling and nodding her head slightly.

"Tell me, Laysan," Lisianski continued. She picked up my hand and held it in hers. "You don't really know me, but for everyone else... Do you trust everyone here?"

I looked around he room at each woman and thought about how they had taken care of me so well over the past month. Certainly, in the BC, there were some that I did not trust, but, I loved each and every one of the women gathered today. I smiled, shook my head, and whispered, "Yes."

"They all love you, Laysan."

Tears began to form in my eyes. "I know."

"I have the honor of having gained their trust to perform a series of safe experiments on you."

I looked into Paty's friendly eyes. "What kind of experiments?" I asked.

"I want to do things to temporarily take away one or more of your senses for a period of time," Lisianski explained. "And during that time I want you to concentrate on how you feel. Afterwards I want you to report to me anything that comes up for you."

"Take away my senses?"

"Yes. Things, I've been told, that you already do occasionally. For example, wear a blindfold or ear plugs, or wear some kind of clothing that limits your tactile feeling."

I was nodding my head. This did not sound too bad.

"You see, Laysan," Lisianski continued, "sensory input may trigger an empathetic response, but our senses also protect us from becoming too involved. If we start feeling something too strongly, we generally will use our senses to distract us from those feelings. Well, anyway, the questions that I am posing in my research is to see if there is a line of communication outside of those senses that informs our empathetic side. So, to study this, obviously, I would need to have a subject who would be open to giving up a sense for an extended period of time, say, a day or maybe a week. I want to determine if you can sense an emotion of which you should have no way of knowing about. Let's say that somewhere there is a person in a room somewhere far away. Let's suppose that I can somehow communicate to you where that room is located. Is it possible for you determine that there is a person inside that room? Is it possible for you to pick up on their feelings? I imagine that to pick up such a signal we would first need to make all the other inputs as quiet as possible. It will take time and practice on both of our parts to be able to achieve that sense of calm."

Lisianski lifted my hand up to her chest and leaned a little closer to me. "Laysan, you are the ideal subject for my study. After a month of having no voice, you have already proven that you can deal with inconveniences that limit your interaction with others. With Paty as your sponsor, you have the luxury of having the time to endure these restrictions. And, finally, you have a wonderful support structure." Lisianski waved her hand indicating all the women sitting around watching our conversation.

I smiled and nodded my head.

"What do you think, Laysan?" Paty asked. "Do you want to try it out?"

I looked at Paty. "Is it ok with you?"

Paty smiled. "Of course, my love."

I nodded my head again and looked back to Lisianski. "Ok."

"Excellent!" Lisianski smiled. "So, I'd like to show you a little bit about how this will work right now, if it's ok..."

I looked at Paty and shrugged my shoulders.

"Don't worry, Laysan," Paty smiled, patting my shoulder. "This will only take about a half hour. We won't get serious about this for a while. We will let Lisianski gain your trust first. Today will just give you some things to think about. And I'll be with you the whole time."

"Ok," I smiled and shrugged my shoulders again. "What do I do?"

"As I said before, our senses are handy at distracting us when an emotion becomes too overwhelming to deal with. If your senses are removed, then you will need to resort to another means of balancing yourself when an emotion starts to become too strong. It will take a bit of training to accomplish this. So, today, I hope to introduce you to a small taste of both the problem and the cure. Paty, do you have the contacts."

"Oh, yeah. One sec." Paty got up and went to retrieve the requested item.

"Laysan, Paty is going to help you put in a special pair of contacts. Basically, the contacts are almost completely opaque. They will degrade your ability to see, uh, pretty much completely. You'll still be able to detect light versus dark, but you won't see any shapes or anything."

Paty returned with a simple contact case and a bottle of saline solution.

"Are you ok so far, Laysan?" Lisianski asked as Paty removed the caps from the contact case.

"A little nervous..."

"Use your fingers to hold your eyelids open," Paty instructed.

Within a minute my vision was removed from me. I could only see a dim glow that turned to black whenever I closed my eyes.

"Remember, Laysan, Paty and the others will be with you the whole time. If you start to feel too scared, let me know. Ok? Now, I want you to try to not think about seeing, though. I want you to concentrate on what you hear and smell."

"Ok."

I felt Lisianski gently pull on my hand. "Let's go for a walk, Laysan. Hold my hand. Paty will help you as well. She won't let go of your left hand, ok?"

I stood and let myself be led across the room. I have made my way through the halls of Paty's mansion alone while blindfolded before. Of course, I knew the layout of the mansion quite well. I knew that I was safe. Regardless, I felt a little nervous inside.

As we turned and twisted up and down the hallways, Lisianski began to ask me questions. Questions that had specific answers like whether I knew the names of all the planets. She asked me to multiply numbers together. She asked me to name as many countries as I could remember.

Finally, she interrupted me. "Do you know where you are, Laysan?"

"On the ground floor of Paty's mansion?"

Lisianski chuckled, "Good! But, do you know which room you are in?"

"Um..." I shook my head. She had successfully distracted me from keeping track of all the changes in direction that we made. I had no idea which room we were in. Well, I could feel the hardwoods under my bare feet, but that didn't restrict the set too much.

"Good. Laysan, listen to me. It doesn't matter where you are. You are nowhere, ok?"

I nodded.

"Tell me a place where you are happy."

"Here, in Paty's mansion..."

"Wow. This place is huge," Lisianski laughed. "Is there a specific place in Paty's mansion that makes you happy? You should be able to visualize this place as though you are there."

I thought for a second. "Paty's bed?"

"Are you sure, Laysan? You kind of said it like a question, not a statement."

I suddenly started to become distracted. I started to think about Paty's bed. I started to think about how Paty would not let me sleep in her bed with her.

"Laysan?"

I started to think about how Paty didn't like for me to talk about her bed and... I tried to turn in Paty's direction, guessing where she stood by the feel of her hands holding mine. Was she annoyed that I mentioned her bed?

"Laysan? Are you ok? Do you want to choose a different place?"

"Um... My... my cage?"

"Your cage? I've seen several cages here in Paty's mansion. Which cage is your cage, Laysan?"

"I mean, Paty owns the cage, but... The one that I sleep in. Down in the dungeon."

"Is that a happy place for you, Laysan?"

I nodded my head. Tears welled up in my eyes for some reason.

"Do you feel safe there?"

I nodded my head again. "When I'm locked inside, high above the lights."

I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of my mouth. Basically, I was saying that I am the happiest when I am locked in a small cage with no means of getting out. The most frightening aspect is that it was completely true. I mean, it is a very nice cage. It's padded and comfortable. It's just big enough for me to lay down in completely stretched out. There are storage compartments that I can access in the undercarriage of the structure which can contain snacks or drinks, papers... There's a bed pan. I even have a tablet computer that while not attached directly to the internet it still provides access to videos, books, and music.

I did not understand why tears were forming in my eyes. Were they tears of joy? I am more happy now as Paty's slave than I have ever been in my life. She takes such good care of me. Certainly, better than I deserve. I love her so much.

But, maybe they could be tears of sadness too. After all, when I was a kid and dreamed of adulthood, I never dreamed that I would reach my fullest potential as a bondage ornament. Though I could not see the group of women who were watching the proceedings, I knew they were there. They were all successful, rich, smart, independent. And I? I am dependent upon them all. In fact, I have given them any independence I may have been able to scrounge up with my meager background. Even though I loved them all, I felt inferior. And here I was stating authentically that I prefer to be confined by their whims. Why? Why does the idea on bondage have such a lock on me? I must be crazy to some degree, I suppose.

Four years ago I created a space for bondage within my life when I agreed to be Paty's slave. And now I find that, indeed, that fantasy has taken root and manifested. To admit that I am happy in a locked cage shook me to some degree.

Tears were starting to stream fairly steadily down my cheeks.

"It's ok..." Lisianski comforted me. Her lips were so close to my ear, I felt her whisper drift across my cheek. "Visualize that you are in your cage right now, Laysan. What do you see? What do you feel?"

I took a few breaths to regain my grounding. "It's pretty dark. There are lights down below. I see the bars of the cage all around me... I feel warm and comfortable under my duvet. I feel safe."

"You feel safe in your cage? That's good, Laysan. Why do you feel safe there?"

I began to tremble and took a deep breath. "No one can find me." My voice was so quiet, I wasn't sure that Lisianski would be able to hear my answers.

"Who is looking for you?" Lisianski whispered.

I started to shake my head. "I don't know." Tears began to slip from my eyes again.

"Is there someone specific that you are hiding from?"

I continued to shake my head. I pulled my hand from Lisianski's to wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Laysan? Can you answer me?" Lisianski asked. I felt her fingers brush my cheek. She was helping me capture my tears. "Who?"

"People who want..."

"Yes, Laysan... people..."

"Who want to hurt me," I spit out suddenly. I covered my mouth with my hand determined that I would say no more about this now.

"People want to hurt you? How do they want to hurt you, Laysan?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to be here.

"Are any of the people who want to hurt you here today?"

"No."

"Don't worry, Laysan. It's natural as we go through these sessions that emotions old and new will bubble up. If they start to feel overwhelming, then I want you to think of your happy place. Think of your safe pace. Picture yourself in your safe place. Picture yourself in your cage."

I stood for a long thirty seconds or more in the silence of the room willing the tears to stop flowing down my cheeks. Finally I turned to put my head on Paty's shoulder, but as I did she rotated around me and denied me her comfort, though she continued to hold my hand.

Lisianski placed a hand on my cheek and turned my face back towards her. "I want you to try to find your grounding by visualizing yourself in your cage, Laysan. I know that you love Paty. She is your pillar. She wants to help you through this, but she knows that you must learn to deal with these emotions on your own. So, please, think about your safe place. Think about your cage."

I tried to think about my cage, but my thoughts drifted back to my youth. Back when I was a child long, long ago - so full of dreams. What a juxtaposition my adult life has been compared to those dreams. Sure, I always dreamt of an uncommon life. I guess that I succeeded there. On the other hand, I don't remember my father ever saying, "Work hard, Laysan, so when you grow up you can spend your days chained to an eyelet buried in a concrete floor. Practice, practice, practice, sweetheart, so that you are flexible enough to be able to squeeze yourself into small, locked boxes for extended periods of time."

"Laysan?" I continued to ignore Lisianski.

I thought about the absurdity of my life. I had wanted to be a strong woman. I had wanted to be able to whip the world into shape, but instead, it was I who was beaten down. Spit out. I found that I am not the woman that I dreamt I would become as a child. Now, I am just a kept woman. I am just a house wife. Well... Perhaps not the traditional definition of a house wife, but...

"Laysan? Are you still with us?"

No. My life is about steel. I like steel. I like the way it feels, cold and hard, when it embraces a limb in an unforgiving grip. I love the way it feels encircling my throat- its unyielding grip. I love the way links of chain feel as they play across my skin. The flexibility of a chain almost makes it soft as it drapes across me. I like the weight. I like its inescapability. But, why?

Oh, tears! Please stop falling...

"Laysan?"

What in humankind's evolution led to such a misguided attraction? Why do I yearn for my body to be locked within the grip of steel? I'm sick, I suppose. Deviant. Bedeviled. Just as is my unnatural attraction to women. So, too, is my need for steel.

Maybe these thoughts drove the train of tears that pooled in the creases of Lisianski's hand as she held my cheek. Or then again, perhaps, I cried because even though I saw these desires as aberrations, I would not want things any other way.

"Laysan?" Lisianski asked again.

I nodded my head.

"There is a padded table in this room. I'd like for you to lie on it."

"Ok," I whispered.

I felt Paty's hand let go of mine. She grasped the tie of the silk robe that I wore and began to loosen it. Her other hand slipped between the soft material and my shoulder. Soon I felt the robe slither down my arms and fall to the floor at my feet.

They directed me a few steps across the room and helped me sit on the cool, padded surface. Thankfully, the distraction of motion and having instructions to fulfill distracted me enough for my water works to subside. Lisianski directed me to raise my legs off the floor while Paty eased me backward, beckoning me to lay down on the soft table which seemed to give in such a way to cradle the contours of my body.

I surprise burst of air popped from within me as my arms were pulled down to my sides and I felt comfortable cloth straps being wrapped around my wrists, securing them in place. An immediate streak of arousal shot through my torso. My nipples hardened and my breathing shifted gears.

"Have you ever been around newborn babies, Laysan?" Lisianski asked.

I shook my head no as I felt a soft pad of foam situated between my ankles. A strap wrapped them together and sealed them to the surface of the table.

"They have a difficult time settling down. It's as though their limbs have minds of their own. They flail around..."

A second piece of foam was pushed between my knees followed by more straps.

"In order for them to feel safe, they should be swaddled tightly in blankets."

Two more straps began to secure me. One around my waist, the second across my chest above my breasts.

"You will feel comfort in this restraint," Lisianski said as the final buckle was secured.

At that particular moment, I doubted the accuracy of Lisianski's prediction. Comfort, I thought, would be associated with peace. My body was not at peace, and that fact should be no surprise to my handlers. I am a lesbian bondage slave, after all. Restraint begets arousal.

My skin felt tingly and flushed. As I breathed, my chest pressed into the soft cloth of the strap and it's compression teased carnal desire from within me. My need began to waft through the room. There could be no misinterpretation of my response.

I heard Paty behind my head. She cupped my chin in her hands for a moment, stroked my cheeks, then began arranging my hair around me. My mouth fell open in a short gasp.

I yelped slightly when something cold and metallic was set down upon the crease between my thigh and my crotch.

"I am laying sensors on your skin," Lisianski explained. "They will monitor various physical aspects like temperature, pulse, breathing... They will give us an insight to how you are feeling."

More sensors were placed on my stomach and breasts. Another was placed on my forehead.

"I going to tell you the name of some places around the world, Laysan. You may have heard of some of them, though, most I suspect that you have not. Listen to the name of the location, concentrate on the name for a moment. Then let yourself feel whatever comes up."

My breathing was still a little ragged, so I was not sure if I would be able to concentrate on anything other than my arousal. Did Lisianski expect me to report that?

"Beccisa Island"

I concentrated on the name for a moment. Trying to discern any particular feeling though at its mention seemed akin to being requested to magically translate a word from an unknown foreign language.

Eventually, I shook my head. "Nothing," I breathed.

Lisianski worked her way through her list of places. She was right. I had never heard of any of the places.

"Alright, that's good, Laysan. Breathe for a moment."

My noticed that my arousal had abated slightly, although, immediately, the realization reignited my lust to some degree.

"When I mention the Green Room, Laysan, do you know what I am talking about?"

"You mean, here? In Paty's mansion?" I asked.

"Yes. Try to visualize the Green Room. Think about how it looks for a moment. Then think about how it makes you feel."

After a moment, I said, "It's nicely furnished..?"

I think that Paty and I made love there once or twice, maybe? Nothing about it seemed to stand out from any other room around the mansion.

"Laysan..."

The room was silent for a moment. I felt an ambient breeze from shifting pressures within the mansion tickle the most sensitive follicles of my naked skin. I felt the straps hold me securely. Paty's hands rested in the piles of hair near my head.

"Laysan, tell me about Greenville..."

Blood drained from my face. An icy coldness stabbed through my chest. My muscles sparked in fear and flared against the restraints. A breathless raspy "No!" erupted from my lips.

"No!" I screamed again in earnest. My body clenched several times and began to tremble. I fought the straps as I stared unseeing into the darkness of the contacts that blinded me.

The darkness wrapped around me and twisted me into a compact ball. My nose was flooded with the scent of cedar and wool. The bile of fear burned at the back of my throat.

I heard boots move across the hardwood floors at the far end of the room. Please! Please pass on by! Please don't find me!

I held my breath until my lungs began to burn. I tried to breathe in measured silent gasps, all the while listening and praying for the footsteps to go away.

There they are again! They are coming closer! Go away! Oh, God! They know that I am here! They are going to find me! Don't move, Laysan! Don't breathe!

I heard the sound of metal links like a chain uncoiling. My ears were straining for every clue as to what was happening outside my chest. I heard the movement of clothes in motion. I heard a fearful swooshing sound. Oh, God! A blast deafened my ears. The lid of my chest deformed and cracked under the weight of a chain in full swing. My ears were ringing. My heart was about to explode. They have found me! They know I'm here!

I heard a laugh... I heard the swooshing sound of the chain hatcheting through the air again...

I screamed...

"Laysan! It's me! You're ok! It's me, Paty!"

"Stay on top of her, Paty!" That was Alba's voice...

I was strapped down to a table somewhere in Paty's mansion. Blinded by opaque contacts. Paty was lying on top of me, covering my naked flesh from the cold air of the room like a heavy blanket.

I was trembling and struggling to breathe under her weight.

"No!" I rasped.

"Laysan, it's ok! I've got you, my love!"

Paty! Hold me! Keep me safe!

"Fuck, Lisianski!" Paty hissed as she pressed her cheek against mine. "I thought you said you were going to take this slowly. Jesus fucking Christ!"

"I don't think she could have gone any more slowly, Paty!" Alba in an even tone. "Laysan will be ok. Just keep yourself under control!"